They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
