You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
