i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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