Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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