I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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