all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
