david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
