I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
