im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
