I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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