if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
