dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
