Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
