My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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