He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
