i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
