I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
