get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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