if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
