if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
