I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
