I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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