If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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