i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
