i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
