I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
