I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
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