life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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