We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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