Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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