Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
