I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
