I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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