Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
