i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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