ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
