I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
