did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
