Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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