It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
