um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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