idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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