Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
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