Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
