when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
