If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
