I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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