If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize