We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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