Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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