What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
