He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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