he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize