She said her name was "party"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
