I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
