im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
