I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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