I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
