let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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