I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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