I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
