how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Let's paint friendship bongs
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize