Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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