Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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