I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
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