Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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