I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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