My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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