You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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