You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
