someone threw a dead crab at me
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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