dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
