he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
