Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Randomize
