My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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